


Cowardice

by Blue_Sparkle



Series: Chances [1]
Category: Withnail & I (1986)
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-28
Updated: 2012-04-28
Packaged: 2017-11-04 11:44:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/393459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Sparkle/pseuds/Blue_Sparkle





	Cowardice

Withnail’s long walk ‘to catch some fresh air’ ended rather early. The wind turned out to be stronger that the weather forecast had predicted (but when was the last time those fuckers had been right anyway?) so it became increasingly harder to light his fags. He was forced to go home without even being at the pub (the actual purpose for leaving the house in the first place). 

When he came through the door he dropped the empty bottle of wine, that he’d taken with him for the way on the floor; it landed with a loud crash but didn’t break. Wondering vaguely whether there where more in the flat, and if yes: where, Withnail stumbled into the living room and to the fireplace. 

The person who knew, Marwood, was sitting on the saggy old couch with a book on his lap. Seeing his flatmate busy with something wouldn’t normally have stopped him from demanding some booze but when Withnail turned to do so, he noticed that Marwood was asleep. 

His head leaned against a pillow and his hand was still holding the book open, as if he’d fallen asleep while reading. With his head tilted to the side Withnail stood there, swaying drunkenly, staring, indecisive about what to do. He did want his righteous dose of booze but he didn’t want to wake him, too… 

Marwood’s face was relaxed, his mouth slightly open as he breathed in a soft and soothing rhythm.

Withnail didn’t know why he did it but he found himself leaning closer, supporting himself on the armrests, until his face was only inches away from the other.

Marwood stirred slightly but he didn’t wake up. Some curls of hair brushed against Withnail’s face; they were still a little damp from a bath, he could even smell the shampoo, he borrowed occasionally… His breath hitched as he learned a little closer still.

‘Just do it!’, said a little voice inside his head. ‘Shut up!’ he nearly hissed back. But why not? Marwood’s lips where right there before him, slightly parted, inviting him. He wanted to lean in, kiss them. They would be soft, he was sure, everything about Marwood was. 

Do it, he is asleep, he will never know! Blame it on the booze, tell him you did it because you were drunk. But Withnail wasn’t drunk enough, he wouldn’t dare – It was clear how this would go, Marwood would wake up, blue eyes widened in fright. Because his flatmate was crazy, mad and how could anyone have genuine feelings for him anyways?! 

Stumbling back Withnail cursed under his breath, cursed his lack of courage. He turned around and walked away. The pang of nausea and the aching in his chest was nothing that wouldn’t go away after a bottle of scotch. 

******

 

Marwood’s reading session ended early as he fell asleep not long after making himself comfortable on the couch. When he finally woke up he didn’t open his eyes but he felt as if only a few hours could have passed. 

Loud steps and the clattering of a bottle from the hallway nearly made him jump up in surprise but then Marwood recognised Withnail’s cursing. So his flatmate hadn’t gone to the pub then; that meant he would pester him now.

Not wanting to put up with it at the moment, Marwood decided to pretend to be asleep a little longer, Withnail was drunk and wouldn’t notice…

And really, the steps grew louder as Withnail staggered past him and stopped when he reached the fireplace. Then he was uncharacteristically quiet again.

Marwood wondered what this meant when he heard him shifting and felt weight pushing down on the armrests beside him. Warm breath danced across his face, smelling of cheap wine, smoke and comfort. 

Marwood shifted slightly towards it but he forced his face to stay relaxed and expressionless. His hair brushed against Withnail but he didn’t dare to move away again. He heard breath hitching; so Withnail had noticed it, too. 

‘Just do it’, whispered a small voice inside his head. Withnail is right there, only inches away! A slight tilt of his head would bring their lips together, he could just reach out, he wanted to pull him closer, kiss him properly. 

Do it, he is drunk, maybe he won’t even remember it tomorrow! Blame it on something you dreamt, tell him that you were still half asleep, didn’t know it was him! But Marwood didn’t dare – it was obvious how this would end, Withnail would look at him, his grey eyes icy with disgust. Because his flatmate was mad, anxious and why would he even have feelings for a nervous man like him?!

Before Marwood could do anything at all he heard cursing and steps stumbling back and aiming towards the kitchen. When the door shut with a bang Marwood finally opened his eyes, staring at the space where Withnail had stood mere seconds ago. 

He sighed and pushed his head back against the pillow, cursing indecision and cowardice. And the empty feeling in his chest was just the nervousness; it was nothing that wouldn’t go away after being throughout ignored, just as so many things…


End file.
